Assertiveness Part 3

Communication skills are a KEY to being assertive. Become AWARE of:
WHAT YOU SAY

* Be Specific, not general. "I have taken on more responsibilities - purchasing and supervising - and I think I should be compensated accordingly". NOT "You should give me a raise"

* Stay calm, becoming emotional or bringing up the past is counterproductive, i.e., "I had to ask for a raise last year too."
HOW YOU SAY IT

* Be steady. If you voice is too soft, whiny, shaky, sarcastic or threatening, you will not come across well.

* Use "I feel" rather than "You are" in your statements. I feel angry when you do not call to say you are going to be late." NOT " You are such a thoughtless jerk!"
WHERE AND WHEN TO SAY IT

It is best to be assertive most of the time. And some times and places are not appropriate.

The Classic, It is best to confront someone in private rather than in front of people.

It is common courtesy to discuss sensitive issues in private.

KEEPING THE FOLLOWING 4 POINTS IN MIND WILL ASSIST YOU TO INCREASE YOU ASSERTIVENESS

1. Use confident body language

-- Look the person straight in the eye, do not look down or away

-- Keep your body straight, do not slouch.

-- Keep your hands at your sides or in your lap. Do not tap on the table, fiddle with your hair or jewelry, fold your hands across your chest, or point your finger at the other person.

2. Be a good listener

-- Give your full attention to the person who is speaking.

-- Show your interest by responding. Do not simply nod you head in agreement.

-- Briefly summarize in your own words what the person said. It helps eliminate misunderstanding.

3. Respect yourself

-- Realize that you are worthy and have something to offer. Your ideas are important and others can benefit from them.

Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses.

Recognize those things you do well. Do not discount them because they are easy for you.

Take gradual steps toward overcoming your weaknesses. Reward yourself as you improve.

4. Respect Others

+ Everybody has the right to express feelings and opinions.

+ Realize the difference between assertion and aggression. Keep each clear. There is no need to threaten, punish or false influence other people. If you treat them with respect, they will treat you with respect.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WILL BE STRONGER, HEALTHIER AND MORE ENJOYABLE WHEN THEY ARE BASED ON MUTUAL RESPECT.